:: The Shattered Room ::

Other Stuff => Off Topic => Topic started by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-01, 03:22:19

Title: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-01, 03:22:19
I'm offering anyone out there to share their problems with me.

I may not be able to sort them out but i'll give a dam good solution!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: johninblack on Wed, 2006-02-01, 05:23:04
There's this bloke called Smegal wants a lift to Rotherham but I don't think he lives anywhere near me and besides I am worried that he might attempt to corrupt the young mind of my daughter, what should I do?

Worried from Norwich.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-01, 15:18:22
Well i suggest adding a bit of lavinder oil to your bath to begin with.

When calm explain that you are unable to take him to rotherham but take caution he my be slightly unstable. I don't think your daughter has anything to worry about on the curruption front this smegal guy sounds too ugly to even have a conversation with a lady.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: johninblack on Wed, 2006-02-01, 15:44:38
I'll try that! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Wed, 2006-02-01, 17:38:21
Quote from: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-01, 03:22:19
I'm offering anyone out there to share their problems with me.

I may not be able to sort them out but i'll give a dam good solution!

I have a problem:
When I keep a smile spread wide across my face, my head splits in half.
Also when I try to wash away the dust from my hands (because I was sitting on a pile of stones the whole day) I saw a creation from the sky. Could it be a dream of paradise?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Thu, 2006-02-02, 01:26:25
For a start don't worry my friend lots of people have this problem.

All you need do is massage some coconut milk into your left arm then the dream of paradise* you refer to will no longer be a dream.





*please note. Different people have different forms of paradise
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Thu, 2006-02-02, 07:25:39
Thanks man.
I want to try it out, but I have no coconut milk, so I'm gonna use buttermilk.
Thanks anyway.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Tue, 2006-02-07, 15:55:26
Ok but remember buttermilk will have to be rubbed into your right arm for the desired effect.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: keyboardistmatt on Tue, 2006-02-07, 20:54:34
I keep getting Toucan Telecom calling me up telling me they can save me money by charging me extra on my phone bill to run my bill through them. 

I keep politely telling them that I am not interested, but I am afraid I cannot hold my patience for much longer. 

I don't want to have to give them a fair old pasting with my favorite right hand...

:-\
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Mon, 2006-02-20, 11:40:28
It seems that guru Smegal is not present here...
I want to act in his absence but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to.

I read Smegal's latest book 'How to cook squirrels', and the 3rd book of his bibliography called 'The clumsy magican and the foolish ways of knowledge' so I know something about society, but...

I'm looking forward to the upcoming 'The weather and unpredictable accidents', when is it coming out Smegal?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-22, 16:40:42
Quote from: keyboardistmatt on Tue, 2006-02-07, 20:54:34
I keep getting Toucan Telecom calling me up telling me they can save me money by charging me extra on my phone bill to run my bill through them. 

I keep politely telling them that I am not interested, but I am afraid I cannot hold my patience for much longer. 

I don't want to have to give them a fair old pasting with my favorite right hand...

:-\

Yes this is quite a common occurance.

There is a simple explaination next time you are hounded by these people all you have to do is squirt lemon juice in your eyes while screaming the word 'monkey' at the top of your voice this will give you the upper hand!! another advantage to this method is now you are able to sue them for causing you to harm yourself.

More tips can be found in my new book 'fruit fix's fact or fiction' already a best seller
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-22, 16:44:34
I'm looking forward to the upcoming 'The weather and unpredictable accidents', when is it coming out Smegal?
[/quote]

Due to the govenment banning my first print there will be a short delay as i have to re-write the chapter about earthquakes and shudders in the bedroom.

I believe it should be out early march
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Mon, 2006-05-01, 14:11:52
Another couple of questions for Smegal:

1. Where are you?
2. Have you heard anything about Kino splitting up? I hate to ask this question, but it's one of those rumours you hear...
3. I bought your shoes from Clive, can I get them?
4. What should I do, put my watch on my left arm or on my right arm?
5. I'm hungry, I want a cheese sandwich, but there's no cheese. The supermarket is 10 minutes walking from here and I'm lazy. I absolutely DON'T want anything else, I want the cheese sandwich. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: keyboardistmatt on Fri, 2006-05-12, 15:22:25
Quote from: PH on Mon, 2006-05-01, 14:11:52
3. I bought your shoes from Clive, can I get them?

What the F***??  ???
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-05-31, 18:32:20
1. I am currently in paris with pendragon
2. its a secret witch a can't even reveal at this moment in time
3. you can have my shoes if you come to my pub
4. work out if your watch right or left handed then sod that just wear it on your right anyway
5. Take your socks off and put them between 2 piece's of bread that should satisfy all your cheese cravings 
Quote from: PH on Mon, 2006-05-01, 14:11:52
Another couple of questions for Smegal:

1. Where are you?
2. Have you heard anything about Kino splitting up? I hate to ask this question, but it's one of those rumours you hear...
3. I bought your shoes from Clive, can I get them?
4. What should I do, put my watch on my left arm or on my right arm?
5. I'm hungry, I want a cheese sandwich, but there's no cheese. The supermarket is 10 minutes walking from here and I'm lazy. I absolutely DON'T want anything else, I want the cheese sandwich. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Wed, 2006-05-31, 19:14:54
Ahh you're back! That's just great...

No really!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: johninblack on Wed, 2006-05-31, 19:39:35
Hi Smegal, are you gonna be with pendragon in Sheffield or is gollum gonna be there in your place?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:03:55
Quote from: johninblack on Wed, 2006-05-31, 19:39:35
Hi Smegal, are you gonna be with pendragon in Sheffield or is gollum gonna be there in your place?
Which one do You prefer?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: johninblack on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:08:12
Quote from: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:03:55
Which one do You prefer?

Oh Smegal, he has a far looser attitude than Gollum, Gollum is just too serious.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:14:46
Quote from: johninblack on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:08:12
Oh Smegal, he has a far looser attitude than Gollum, Gollum is just too serious.
And less agressive too maybe
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Appelmoes?? on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:38:08
Quote from: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:14:46
And less agressive too maybe
But Smeagol díd kill Deagol before he got The One Ring :o
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 23:16:12
Quote from: Appelmoes?? on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:38:08
But Smeagol díd kill Deagol before he got The One Ring :o
That was because he was obsessed by the ring in fact he already was Gollum there already
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Peter on Wed, 2006-08-02, 10:25:10
Quote from: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 23:16:12
That was because he was obsessed by the ring in fact he already was Gollum there already

Yes, in a way. If you define "being Gollum" with "being under the control of the Ring". Not physically, though, and also not concerning the schizophrenic type of behaviour he develops later on.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Herben on Wed, 2006-08-02, 14:20:17
Quote from: Peter on Wed, 2006-08-02, 10:25:10
Yes, in a way. If you define "being Gollum" with "being under the control of the Ring". Not physically, though, and also not concerning the schizophrenic type of behaviour he develops later on.
Maybe why don't we ask smeagal himself if he's here
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Wed, 2006-08-02, 14:36:03
Yeah, Smegal was gone, then he came back again and now he's gone again...
Come back Smegal! We need your help sooooooo much!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: johninblack on Thu, 2006-08-03, 20:39:22
Last time I saw Smegol he sold me a Pendragon Tour Shirt, That was Sheffield in June.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Appelmoes?? on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:27:31
I think he fell in the pits of doom :-\
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: maddox on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:28:35
Quote from: Appelmoes?? on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:27:31
I think he fell in the pits of doom :-\

:o   *ouch*
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Peter on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:34:13
Quote from: maddox on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:28:35
:o   *ouch*

"it's getting hot in here... so take off al yer cl....." errrr, sorry, wrong theater :)
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: maddox on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:38:34
Quote from: Peter on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:34:13
"it's getting hot in here... so take off al yer cl....." errrr, sorry, wrong theater :)

(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a213/lexaco/Funny-Post1.gif)
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Appelmoes?? on Thu, 2006-08-03, 22:19:35
Dear Smegal,

We have hijacked your topic, what will you do about it?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Thu, 2006-08-03, 22:39:55
Quote from: Appelmoes?? on Thu, 2006-08-03, 21:27:31
I think he fell in the pits of doom :-\

Phew...  :-\ Last time I've been there I came out with great pain.
It's not an ordinary pit I tell you. Well it comes close to a visionpit but then in reverse. Or something...
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: HelenDo on Thu, 2006-08-03, 23:01:07
He was seen 4 weeks ago at the Jadis gig in London  8)

Helen
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Herben on Fri, 2006-08-04, 17:23:49
Quote from: HelenDo on Thu, 2006-08-03, 23:01:07
He was seen 4 weeks ago at the Jadis gig in London  8)

Helen
Is mount doom there in London maybe?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-08-09, 17:04:36
Quote from: HelenDo on Thu, 2006-08-03, 23:01:07
He was seen 4 weeks ago at the Jadis gig in London  8)

Helen

I see you've been doing your home work.

Don't worry i'm still here in the background people and i can honestly say there is no change of you guys taking over my thread.

AND I STILL HAVE A PAIR OF SHOES WHICH KNOWONE HAS PICKED UP YET!!!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Wed, 2006-08-09, 17:45:34
Quote from: Smegal on Wed, 2006-08-09, 17:04:36
AND I STILL HAVE A PAIR OF SHOES WHICH KNOWONE HAS PICKED UP YET!!!

Oh sorry. Ehhmm if your coming to Prog Passion in october you can give them to me!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: HelenDo on Wed, 2006-08-09, 22:27:37
Quote from: Smegal on Wed, 2006-08-09, 17:04:36
I see you've been doing your home work.

No I was there and saw you  :D

Sorry should have said hi!

Your heckling of Steve Thorne was very funny  ;)

Helen
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2006-10-18, 14:52:01
He's jealous of my hair you see!   x   *horns*
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Tue, 2008-03-18, 22:20:31
Just re-discovered this wonderful thread! Newcomers, take a look at the first page too, it made me chuckle! ;D

-Paco "diggin' up the fun stuff for ya"
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: bluepony on Thu, 2008-03-20, 21:12:56
 :D :D :D
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Appelmoes?? on Thu, 2008-03-20, 21:25:16
Dear Smegal,

I've always been proud of myself and my green colour, and my mom always told me I wasn't ugly, but different and special. But lately some people who I thought of as my friends, started making fun of me and my apple-ness. I tried to joke along with the chaps, but inside it hurts and makes my inner apple cry. It's become like a little worm eating out my heart and I can't really take it any longer.

Can you help me?

Signed,
Applemoose
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Tue, 2008-04-01, 15:53:30
You've come to the right person,

I suggest you confront your 'friends' and tell them how you feel if this doesn't work i suggest you get new friends because your current ones are obviously a bunch of WAN-CORES.

P.S.

My mum always says i'm beautiful but look at me!     :'(
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Tue, 2008-04-01, 16:26:02
Let me add to this.
Just before you leave them, punch them to jam.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: maddox on Tue, 2008-04-01, 16:43:57
Quote from: PH on Tue, 2008-04-01, 16:26:02
Let me add to this.
Just before you leave them, punch them to jam.

Don't you mean 'Pump Up The Jam'?  ;D
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Appelmoes?? on Tue, 2008-04-01, 18:47:17
Quote from: Smegal on Tue, 2008-04-01, 15:53:30
You've come to the right person,

I suggest you confront your 'friends' and tell them how you feel if this doesn't work i suggest you get new friends because your current ones are obviously a bunch of WAN-CORES.

P.S.

My mum always says i'm beautiful but look at me!     :'(
Ok, I'll try

Guys? (and galls...)

I'm green... Get over it! Don't make me pump up the jam, it'll get sticky and you don't want that...

;D
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Deenfan on Wed, 2008-04-02, 01:56:33
 :o
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: keyboardistmatt on Sun, 2008-04-20, 15:56:13
Pump up the Jam?
Pump up the volume?
Kick out the jams?

Hmmm... confused in Poole... ???
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: bluepony on Sun, 2008-04-20, 17:13:22
Quote from: keyboardistmatt on Sun, 2008-04-20, 15:56:13
Hmmm... confused in Poole... ???
:D  Still better than Sleepless in Seattle, I guess!  ;D
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: gelert on Sun, 2008-04-20, 19:27:37
Quote from: keyboardistmatt on Sun, 2008-04-20, 15:56:13
Hmmm... confused in Poole... ???

That'll be the Electro-Shock Therapy, combined with the "dunking in a bath of ice" program, that your currently undergoing...  ;D
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Mon, 2011-03-14, 02:13:34
Hi People Smegal has returned

Whats everyone been upto then?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Mon, 2011-03-14, 10:55:14
Quote from: Smegal on Mon, 2011-03-14, 02:13:34Hi People Smegal has returned

Great! Give him my best regards!

Quote from: Smegal on Mon, 2011-03-14, 02:13:34Whats everyone been upto then?

Some are on hiatus, some are on 5 year sabbatical, some are away for a long time, others have gone, or are otherwise absent, or elsewhere present, while others are either AWOL, missing, or just simply vanished.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Bupie on Mon, 2011-03-14, 15:50:43
Hey, the "Ask smegal" thread that the entire Universe envies us for  *horns*

What do you think about Arena's new singer, Smegal ?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Peter on Mon, 2011-03-14, 19:06:48
Heh, pretty much a bit of everything, I'd guess. Or any other constellation of those words.

And you? Will you be part of an upcoming ARENA tour, again? Sure hope to have a drink or two with you!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: maddox on Tue, 2011-03-15, 01:21:06
Quote from: Smegal on Mon, 2011-03-14, 02:13:34
Hi People Smegal has returned

Whats everyone been upto then?

Were you wearing a hat at the Boerderij, Zoetermeer last year? ;)

Oh eh... welcome back I'd say.  ;D

I've been up to many, many, many things.
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: keyboardistmatt on Thu, 2011-03-24, 13:47:21
Quote from: Smegal on Mon, 2011-03-14, 02:13:34
Hi People Smegal has returned

Whats everyone been upto then?

I thought we were supposed to ask you questions?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Wed, 2011-03-30, 20:39:18
And now he's gone again...

Here's a question:
What happens to all these people who used to be here on this forum?
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Peter on Thu, 2011-03-31, 19:53:48
Quote from: PH on Wed, 2011-03-30, 20:39:18
Here's a question:
What happens to all these people who used to be here on this forum?

Dunno. This is the internet. A far friend of mine once said: on the internet you can be anything and anyone you want. In this special case, people decide to be "away".
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: Smegal on Wed, 2011-07-20, 18:16:07
I have been known to wear stupid hats and shirts etc. and i was certainly at the boerderij however on that occasion last year it was my mate 'Big Dave' wearing a good old fashion Trilby if i remember rightly.

I will hopefully be on the Nov tour currently trying to arrange cover at my pub.

Paul is a lovley chap and exellent singer very well suited to Arena, also in my opinion his voice is especially good for the earlier Arena songs.

I can't really say much more then that as he lives right over the other side of the castle to me so we don't see each other much.


Did someone say drink?  I'm in!!!!!!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: bluepony on Thu, 2015-05-07, 14:35:34
Quote from: Peter on Thu, 2011-03-31, 19:53:48
Dunno. This is the internet. A far friend of mine once said: on the internet you can be anything and anyone you want. In this special case, people decide to be "away".

They had some serious work to do - and no internet access at work... (at least it was the case for me)
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: PH on Thu, 2015-05-07, 23:37:18
Quote from: bluepony on Fri, 2009-02-27, 13:19:21
I think I'll call it a day and have an early start into the weekend. ;D

That has to be one of the longest weekends in history. ;D
Welcome back Bluepony!
Title: Re: Ask smegal
Post by: bluepony on Tue, 2015-05-19, 15:14:20
Quote from: PH on Thu, 2015-05-07, 23:37:18
That has to be one of the longest weekends in history. ;D
Welcome back Bluepony!

Well... what can I say... I kind of have enjoyed the time off - not! But I was forced by higher circumstances to stay away from online chatrooms for a while. A LONG while. And I can't promise I'll be here as often as I used to... but it's good to be back!  :D