Engagement

[PH]

Hi dear Room mates!

I'm sorry... I possibly could have posted this either in the "birthday thread" or the "how do you feel thread". But for some reason that doesn't cover the whole picture for me. So I am going to be egoistic and create a new topic. And it's gonna be a long one. Don't say I didn't warn you!

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost seven years now and on the 5th of December we took another step. We got engaged!!!

We more or less celebrated it in a zoo in the picturesque city of Rhenen. There was a bit of rain, it was cold and windy and there were not many people either (probably because of Sinterklaas), but it was a very nice day nonetheless. We enjoyed it!

Of course I had to do the proposal stuff although we were already very certain about our relationship. I proposed in a monorail for extra dramatic romantic effect. I gave her the rings, which we have chosen together, because they will also be our wedding rings.

It feels strange to wear a ring, as I have never worn a ring and sometimes it itches a bit or it just feels... strange... I dunno. But everytime I look at it, I feel happy and think of her. My lovely wife-to-be. I love her so much, I can't even express it in Dutch words, let alone in English.

Yes, my fiancée (I guess I should start calling her my fiancée instead of girlfriend now) and I are going to marry. A date is not set, but it should be very soon. This because she's pregnant...

Yeah, it's easy to tell you all on a forum. I just typed it and there it is: 'pregnant'. It wasn't easy for us. We have very mixed feelings. You probably all know by now that I am a Christian. And when I type that, I feel ashamed, because we all know what the church, the Bible, what God says about sex before marriage...

You know, a Christian is not anything better than any other. Anyone who says so, lies. I feel very guilty and ashamed, yet at the same time I must confess that I don't have feelings of regret. I really wish I had, but I can't deny that I simply haven't. I also feel like a hypocrite, since I've always thought sex before marriage to be 'wrong'. In fact, I still think it's wrong, but I also know the other side of the story. It is very difficult to keep off when you love each other so much and have been together for so many years. Man, it became more difficult each day. At some time, I guess, it was bound to happen.

Now we're expecting a baby. Yes, I can smile. I talked about mixed feelings. Well, I'm thrilled to become a father. A bit proud too. I've always loved children and now I'm getting one of my own. If everything works out fine of course. I hope so.

Difficult times ahead. Yes, that's also true. We don't have a house. We don't have a lot of money. We don't have a full job. We both still have to finish our studies at school. It's not easy. And when I think of all that, I feel a bit down too. There's so much to do to get things ready and prepared. We've gotten ourselves into quite some troubles now. But I'm sure we eventually will get out of this and get the baby in a safe place. That's all that matters to me.

Fast forward a year or two, I picture myself with a loving wife next to me and our dear child between us. A really nice thought!


A long post... If you made it till the end, thanks for reading all this. I greatly appreciate that. I really do. You are some sort of friends, even when we don't know each other personally. I thank Peter for this forum and of course Arena for the 'connection'.

Peter, I'm sorry for this act of selfishness to open a topic about my situation. To all Roomies, feel free to hijack this thread in the future, for any engagements, marriages, or discussions about engagements, marriage or even discussions about sex before marriage.

Ciao!

--Paco

[Peter]

Congratulations to being pregnant and enagaged, the two of you Yes, you're both pregnant, you'll see very soon

As for the situation you're now in: Use any help you can possibly get, parents, grand parents, brothers, uncles, whoever. What the two of you need is a plan: who is going to do what. And expect 19 hour days, even before the child is born, as you want to study and work as much as you possibly can to have some money on the side. Don't drop your studies, no matter what happens, except for winning the lottery

No sex before marriage: I never understood that rule. Show me Bible places this rule is based on, and not only places you can "somehow derive an interpretation from", but where it's made clear. Surely, having a Sodom and Gomorrha like everyone basically seems to be doing, is sin. But being with a person for a period of time, sharing one's lives makes it quite okay to be intimate with each other.

Just my 2cents on life and stuff

Keep your heads up!

[erik]

Congratulations Paco!!! That's wonderful news!!

Thanks for sharing this with us. I can imagine there's a lot going in in your head right now. I'm not a christian myself, but I can understand your mixed feelings. The way I see it you two are obviously devoted to each other, having been together for seven years now. That's what matters. You're taking this seriously and in your post I read a great sense of responsibility, that's where it all starts. And from recent experience I can tell you that becoming a father is simply amazing There may be hard times, but have faith in yourself and the team of the two of you together and you'll see it through. All the best!!

[The Butterfly Man]

Congratulations Paco!!! That's wonderful news!!

Thanks for sharing this with us. I can imagine there's a lot going in in your head right now. I'm not a christian myself, but I can understand your mixed feelings. The way I see it you two are obviously devoted to each other, having been together for seven years now. That's what matters. You're taking this seriously and in your post I read a great sense of responsibility, that's where it all starts. There may be hard times, but have faith in yourself and the team of the two of you together and you'll see it through. All the best!!

I second this Paco. Congratulations!!!

A lot of friends/people around me are getting married or are expecting a baby (in some cases both) these days. In due course I would like that to happen to me as well, but for now I'm good. I have a lovely girlfriend, we're enjoying each other, our house and just sharing our lives in general. When we take that next step this thread might come in handy!

Again, congratulations and all the best mate!

Tom

[bellanova]

Congratulations and all the best Paco. Im really pleased for you. Its wonderful news.

[Nicky007]

Congrats from me too, Paxi 

I may comment your interesting post later .....

Nicky.

[Bupie]

Great news PH  I second what Erik wrote about becoming a father but I guess that you have to live it to understand.

About the "sex before marriage" thing, well, I have four children and have never been married  I am not proud of this situation but not ashamed either : frankly, I couldn't care less about it ...

[debsss]

Hey PH!!!

Congratulation!!! Wish you both all the luck and happyness in the world together!!!

Don't worry about having sex befor marriage... It's not a deathsin..
I did it myself twice and still not married ;-) haha So enjoy this all!!! It 'll all work out
You'll see.

Debsss

[Draco chimera]

Congrats PH!! Great news!!!! 

[Teunis]

Wow, wonderful news indeed, congratulations!  Wishing you and your fiancée lots of health and happiness .

[Iggy]

Congratulations from me as well it is wonderful news.

I hope you both will be very happy.

[Nicky007]

About the "sex before marriage" thing ...

Well, Frenchies 

They have two things in their mind. I'l grant you a third, Bupsie 

Nicky.

[PH]

Thank you all! I appreciate your replies! It really means a lot to me.

I wish I could answer/reply to your posts a bit more, but I'll leave that to later, since I am (of course) quite busy...

Again, thank you all very much!

[tired_of_dancing]

Wishing you and your family all the best, Paco!!
You'll be a wonderful father.
Hope its okay for you that I comment, as I'm new and not sure how often I hang around here.
Here a musical thing for you, you may know already.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoGWe9l-OG8
I always loved the lyrics. Full of love, but uncertainty too. Its what parents want for their kid. Showing everything and one day they can step out into the world with arms wide open, saying yes to life.

As for the other thing, I have easy talking as I'm evangelic. Noone would see any immorality. Its a matter of love and not just "I want fun".
I can understand your worries, but isn't it just the catholic church as institution that forbids and judges?
Not God, God loves you.

[funkster]

Enjoy the sex before marriage mate as it stops once you get married !

Congrats on the impending parenthood and i am sure your faith will help you.

[Nicky007]

My lovely wife-to-be. I love her so much, I can't even express it in Dutch words, let alone in English.

Great, Paxi 

That's the way it should be. That's the way I feel too about my woman (apart from the Dutch & English) 

If one does not feel that way about one's wo/man, then one should quit in time, with due consideration, as the longer one waits, the harder it gets for everyone, as one gets tangled up in the other person's life and family, emotionally, practically, shared memories etc.

I'm thrilled to become a father.

Great too 

Be a loving, faithful, and devoted husband and father. Knowing you, I'm sure you will be 

And keep your crazy Room humor. Humor is one of the best things one can give one's family 

There'l naturally be some pauses in your visits to the Room ... but don't forget us 

Enjoy the sex before marriage mate as it stops once you get married !

There's somethin about it 

Paxi, don't worry about the the "no sex before marriage" thingy. I think that it was relevant in the olden days, when a woman could be left alone pregnant or with a child, without a man to take care of her. That was usually terrible, because she couldn't provide for herself and her baby, and/or because family and society were condemnatory.

So, Bamboo Bill, good luck with this new phase in your life 

Nicky. 

[maddox]

Enjoy the sex before marriage mate as it stops once you get married !

Don't want to scare you, Paco but unfortunately this may be the case. 

But anyways...

WTF...Great news man!!

Congratulations, big time! 

About the sex before marriage thing, ...

I can imagine your thoughts about it but I wouldn't worry about it.
Personally I think that that was an issue for the history-books, but times has changed.
You were both there.
What's done is done. What is, is.

Now you should concentrate about the planning and such and most of all, about your unborn child.

That, my friend is the most important thing of all.

Again, Congrats!!