Bits of lyrics that you're waiting to write music for...

[gelert]

Walking down a path of unknown origin
We happenned 'pon a shaft of knowledge sittin' in
A bath of onion porridge....


I think that I was visited by the ghost of Frank Zappa, when this "appeared" in my head, whilst walking the dogs one summer's day....

...never forgotten it, but I'm buggered if I know where to proceed from here with it...!

[Deenfan]

Gee...  I can't help you, man!! 

The text under my avatar is something I wrote and didn't finish. Guess it would be easier to follow up than yours!

Wonderful topic, by the way

[Deenfan]

oh, man, I forgot:

I have one more line: "A title, searching for a life"

But that's all folks!

[Peter]

Walking down a path of unknown origin
We happenned 'pon a shaft of knowledge sittin' in
A bath of onion porridge....

if only the thord line wouldn't be so..... out of the way....

[TheChosen]

well, lol, kinda this thing i post is allready finished (lyrics and music as well...)
but hey, i'm no english men and i'm not the kind of guy who's proud of his own work...
so, i thought, lets give it a shot...tell me what you think about this lyric....
it's written by myself...and the music (well, not posted here) is performed by my own band.
Tell me what you think of it, i'm would like to hear the meaning of some people who or not my family or
relatives. The song is called OVERTURE....so here's the lyrics...

Overture

Damn I thought it was overload
But I'm walking the dead end road
Step by step I'm getting surprised
Why I didn't just realized

See your life so in vain
I still struggle against my pain
Trespassing all borders i can find
Leaving the guided line far behind

Mile by mile a little more insane
Jericho has got me strained
Sickly filled with morbid pride
Jericho walking by my side

I will rise in my salvation
Like thunderclouds above a nation
Like the waves on a stormy sea
As abandoned angels come to rescue me
Like the highlands on the mountain
Like the summers sparkles in the fountain
All that makes your eyes to stare
You can love me if you dare

Damn you felt you were struck
Don't you know you had real luck
Day by day you're getting better
Why you wrote this goodbye letter ?

You are not my valentine
I count you as a friend of mine
Maybe life isn't this easy living
It's just a matter of taking and giving

Little by little people learned
Faith and trust must be earned
Damn we can't all be friends
Make life worth before it end




You go down in your salvation
Like warm and cold, a separation
Like hot sand in the desert sun
A hunted animal, to live is to run
Like the mist on the land
Like a philosophy without a stand
All that makes your senses real
Who's the guide for you to heal

We will rise in our salvation
Like thunderclouds above our nation
Like the waves on a stormy sea
When gods angels have set free
Like the highlands on the mountain
Like the summers sparkles in the fountain
All that makes our eyes to stare
Love each other if we dare

(C)TheChosen


Greetz...The Chosen

[Peter]

nice

[Deenfan]

Sharing lyrics on boards like these is a courageous thing to do. They're personal stuff, no matter what the story is.

Since you ask for an opinion, I'll do this. There is a certain mood to it, which is good. Many people don't have that skill at all. Still they write. You'll need to look into the spelling/grammar issue a bit. But that's tech stuff. One spot I halted at, getting a feeling of... almost inconsistency... no, that's not exactly the right word, but... See, I wonder if there is any significance in the "abandoned" angels part? Is it something that just fit the rythm of the line, or would your lyric lose some of its meaning if you left "abandoned" out, or replaced it with "guardian" angels...? From what I get out of it, that would make more sense. But that's based on my initial interpretation. It's not criticism as such. Just pointing out what I got hanged up on.

[Constable Hogweed]

Ok i will be brave. 

Blood on the streets in the emerald isle
Sentences of death handed out without trial
Why?
Moral values lie tattered and torn
while the backstreet low-lives peddle their porn
Why?

And the reaper smiles and says it's time to go
the world is crumbling and dying
it's the final blow
This earth is the devils playground once again
angels weep at the sorrow and the pain
we christen our children in a raging flood
not made of water but of human blood

Look in the mirror see reflections of the sun
press gang assasins with a poison pen gun
shoot you down
Mother and Father with saltwater tears
remember their child, dead at 21 years
Why?
victim of a war he didn't understand
blood senselessly spilt on the middle east sand
Why?

And the reaper smiles and says it's time to go
the world is crumbling and dying
it's the final blow
This earth is the devils playground once again
angels weep at the sorrow and the pain
we christen our children in a raging flood
not made of water but of human blood

Not a particularly long or good lyric, but i felt moved to write this at the time of the 1st gulf war in 1991 as a way of setting my feelings down about how i felt at the time.

[Deenfan]

I hate to say anything when I'm short on time, but that was mostly flowing nicely. Some places you had to stop, but that may be the point. You should stop and think, like. I would consider the "middle east" sand part. It CAN date your lyric, and while that may be what you want, I think the "eastern" sand could be an alternative. It still points in the direction you're hinting at, but it's more open. -Lost a bit of the CNN feeling, if you get me.

If you're making a song out of this, there are adjustments that can come in handy. Noone knows 'til you get there. An example could be the "shoot you down" line. It's not necessary, in reality. And it's one of those places where the flow gets interrupted. But such spots can also bring about a cool effect, diversion, backing vocals thing, whatever. Again, you'll see if and when.

Good to see some creativity on display!

[kmorse]

http://www.eilands.com/vjon/

visit this site and generate lyrics for your own "Yes" song.

good fun!

[PH]

http://www.eilands.com/vjon/

visit this site and generate lyrics for your own "Yes" song.

good fun!

Totally pointless!!

It still made me smile!

I like that sort of things, are there any more?

[Deenfan]

You could always click on this link here:

http://www.puffgames.com/pingugore/

[PH]

You could always click on this link here:

http://www.puffgames.com/pingugore/

LOL

I got 978.4 for my first time.

[stranger_x]

Walking down a path of unknown origin
We happenned 'pon a shaft of knowledge sittin' in
A bath of onion porridge....


I think that I was visited by the ghost of Frank Zappa, when this "appeared" in my head, whilst walking the dogs one summer's day....

...never forgotten it, but I'm buggered if I know where to proceed from here with it...!

Hmmm... let me try:

Walking down a path of unknown origin
We happenned 'pon a shaft of knowledge sittin' in
A bath of onion porridge, an unclaimed religion
That took all the faith that we had within...

Should I go on? 

[stranger_x]

Dear friends!

Here is a poem I have written last night for a very precious person in my life. It was written in Russian which is my native language, but I decided to translate it. Here is what came out in result:


A HALF OF YOU AND ME

A half of you is crying, a half of me can't say a word
A half of you is laughing, a half of me dies from the hurt
A half of you is hungry, a half of me is being fed
A half of you is filling up, a half of me is emptied.
A half of you is trusting, a half of me just shakes
A half of you is being hit, a half of me just breaks
A half of you is calmness, a half of me can't sleep
A half of you is silent, a half of me just weeps.

A half of you is sleepy, a half of me destroys
A half of you is glad, a half of me annoys
A half of you is scared, a half of me just stands
A half of you is frozen, a half of me defends.
A half of you is dead now, a half of me alive
A half of you is icy, a half of me is fire
A half of you can't notice, the half of me in sea
A half of you can't welcome, the other half of me.


Thank you for reading and thanks for this great place!

*hugs for all*

Your loving friend Denis.

[Peter]

Beautiful.

[gelert]

Hmmm... let me try:

Walking down a path of unknown origin
We happenned 'pon a shaft of knowledge sittin' in
A bath of onion porridge, an unclaimed religion
That took all the faith that we had within...

Should I go on? 

YES...I like your style...   

Walking down a path of unknown origin
We happenned 'pon a shaft of knowledge sittin' in
A bath of onion porridge.
Cereal murder, that's challotte
An unclaimed religious synonym...
The Faith within of him
Is the Sin of him...

Rearrange words / lines to suit scan / beat / feel / tempo

Now, where's KBMatt with those demon chords....?