News:

contact: webmaster <at> shattered <dash> room <dot> net
write me a message if you are unable log in, if you need to recover your account, or if you would like to register a new account; also if the email address you used here before is not valid anymore.

Main Menu

Ask smegal

Started by Smegal, Wed, 2006-02-01, 03:22:19

Previous topic - Next topic

Smegal

I'm offering anyone out there to share their problems with me.

I may not be able to sort them out but i'll give a dam good solution!
MY PRECIOUS

johninblack

There's this bloke called Smegal wants a lift to Rotherham but I don't think he lives anywhere near me and besides I am worried that he might attempt to corrupt the young mind of my daughter, what should I do?

Worried from Norwich.

Smegal

#2
Well i suggest adding a bit of lavinder oil to your bath to begin with.

When calm explain that you are unable to take him to rotherham but take caution he my be slightly unstable. I don't think your daughter has anything to worry about on the curruption front this smegal guy sounds too ugly to even have a conversation with a lady.
MY PRECIOUS

johninblack


PH

Quote from: Smegal on Wed, 2006-02-01, 03:22:19
I'm offering anyone out there to share their problems with me.

I may not be able to sort them out but i'll give a dam good solution!

I have a problem:
When I keep a smile spread wide across my face, my head splits in half.
Also when I try to wash away the dust from my hands (because I was sitting on a pile of stones the whole day) I saw a creation from the sky. Could it be a dream of paradise?

Smegal

For a start don't worry my friend lots of people have this problem.

All you need do is massage some coconut milk into your left arm then the dream of paradise* you refer to will no longer be a dream.





*please note. Different people have different forms of paradise
MY PRECIOUS

PH

Thanks man.
I want to try it out, but I have no coconut milk, so I'm gonna use buttermilk.
Thanks anyway.

Smegal

Ok but remember buttermilk will have to be rubbed into your right arm for the desired effect.
MY PRECIOUS

keyboardistmatt

I keep getting Toucan Telecom calling me up telling me they can save me money by charging me extra on my phone bill to run my bill through them. 

I keep politely telling them that I am not interested, but I am afraid I cannot hold my patience for much longer. 

I don't want to have to give them a fair old pasting with my favorite right hand...

:-\
...Is this just a dream I'm in?

~~Drallion official Facebook page:~~
www.facebook.com/DrallionOfficial

<- Click the planet to go to Twitter @Keyboardistmatt

PH

It seems that guru Smegal is not present here...
I want to act in his absence but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to.

I read Smegal's latest book 'How to cook squirrels', and the 3rd book of his bibliography called 'The clumsy magican and the foolish ways of knowledge' so I know something about society, but...

I'm looking forward to the upcoming 'The weather and unpredictable accidents', when is it coming out Smegal?

Smegal

Quote from: keyboardistmatt on Tue, 2006-02-07, 20:54:34
I keep getting Toucan Telecom calling me up telling me they can save me money by charging me extra on my phone bill to run my bill through them. 

I keep politely telling them that I am not interested, but I am afraid I cannot hold my patience for much longer. 

I don't want to have to give them a fair old pasting with my favorite right hand...

:-\

Yes this is quite a common occurance.

There is a simple explaination next time you are hounded by these people all you have to do is squirt lemon juice in your eyes while screaming the word 'monkey' at the top of your voice this will give you the upper hand!! another advantage to this method is now you are able to sue them for causing you to harm yourself.

More tips can be found in my new book 'fruit fix's fact or fiction' already a best seller
MY PRECIOUS

Smegal

#11
I'm looking forward to the upcoming 'The weather and unpredictable accidents', when is it coming out Smegal?
[/quote]

Due to the govenment banning my first print there will be a short delay as i have to re-write the chapter about earthquakes and shudders in the bedroom.

I believe it should be out early march
MY PRECIOUS

PH

Another couple of questions for Smegal:

1. Where are you?
2. Have you heard anything about Kino splitting up? I hate to ask this question, but it's one of those rumours you hear...
3. I bought your shoes from Clive, can I get them?
4. What should I do, put my watch on my left arm or on my right arm?
5. I'm hungry, I want a cheese sandwich, but there's no cheese. The supermarket is 10 minutes walking from here and I'm lazy. I absolutely DON'T want anything else, I want the cheese sandwich. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.

keyboardistmatt

Quote from: PH on Mon, 2006-05-01, 14:11:52
3. I bought your shoes from Clive, can I get them?

What the F***??  ???
...Is this just a dream I'm in?

~~Drallion official Facebook page:~~
www.facebook.com/DrallionOfficial

<- Click the planet to go to Twitter @Keyboardistmatt

Smegal

1. I am currently in paris with pendragon
2. its a secret witch a can't even reveal at this moment in time
3. you can have my shoes if you come to my pub
4. work out if your watch right or left handed then sod that just wear it on your right anyway
5. Take your socks off and put them between 2 piece's of bread that should satisfy all your cheese cravings 
Quote from: PH on Mon, 2006-05-01, 14:11:52
Another couple of questions for Smegal:

1. Where are you?
2. Have you heard anything about Kino splitting up? I hate to ask this question, but it's one of those rumours you hear...
3. I bought your shoes from Clive, can I get them?
4. What should I do, put my watch on my left arm or on my right arm?
5. I'm hungry, I want a cheese sandwich, but there's no cheese. The supermarket is 10 minutes walking from here and I'm lazy. I absolutely DON'T want anything else, I want the cheese sandwich. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.
MY PRECIOUS

PH

Ahh you're back! That's just great...

No really!

johninblack

Hi Smegal, are you gonna be with pendragon in Sheffield or is gollum gonna be there in your place?

Herben

Quote from: johninblack on Wed, 2006-05-31, 19:39:35
Hi Smegal, are you gonna be with pendragon in Sheffield or is gollum gonna be there in your place?
Which one do You prefer?
Walk along the Waterfall, watching as the world turns red
Wonder where the river flows, and the blood on the River bed
Poison lies to close to us, Reach across the salt and Sand
Moving Deeper into the Land

johninblack

Quote from: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:03:55
Which one do You prefer?

Oh Smegal, he has a far looser attitude than Gollum, Gollum is just too serious.

Herben

Quote from: johninblack on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:08:12
Oh Smegal, he has a far looser attitude than Gollum, Gollum is just too serious.
And less agressive too maybe
Walk along the Waterfall, watching as the world turns red
Wonder where the river flows, and the blood on the River bed
Poison lies to close to us, Reach across the salt and Sand
Moving Deeper into the Land

Appelmoes??

Quote from: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:14:46
And less agressive too maybe
But Smeagol díd kill Deagol before he got The One Ring :o
For some good reading visit:""Fluffy Kittens of DOOM"!

My drawings on MySpace


Herben

Quote from: Appelmoes?? on Tue, 2006-08-01, 20:38:08
But Smeagol díd kill Deagol before he got The One Ring :o
That was because he was obsessed by the ring in fact he already was Gollum there already
Walk along the Waterfall, watching as the world turns red
Wonder where the river flows, and the blood on the River bed
Poison lies to close to us, Reach across the salt and Sand
Moving Deeper into the Land

Peter

Quote from: Herben on Tue, 2006-08-01, 23:16:12
That was because he was obsessed by the ring in fact he already was Gollum there already

Yes, in a way. If you define "being Gollum" with "being under the control of the Ring". Not physically, though, and also not concerning the schizophrenic type of behaviour he develops later on.
Arriving somewhere, but not here....

Herben

Quote from: Peter on Wed, 2006-08-02, 10:25:10
Yes, in a way. If you define "being Gollum" with "being under the control of the Ring". Not physically, though, and also not concerning the schizophrenic type of behaviour he develops later on.
Maybe why don't we ask smeagal himself if he's here
Walk along the Waterfall, watching as the world turns red
Wonder where the river flows, and the blood on the River bed
Poison lies to close to us, Reach across the salt and Sand
Moving Deeper into the Land

PH

Yeah, Smegal was gone, then he came back again and now he's gone again...
Come back Smegal! We need your help sooooooo much!